The PaperCut of DOOM! (bum ba BAAAAAH)

*Disclaimer: This is based on an actual discussion held today in my full of testosterone 2nd hour 5th grade Science classroom. I do not believe that I would have written this story without having had these boys ask this question…

“Mrs. Robbins,” Toby yelled, hopping up and down with one foot balanced in his seat and the other precariously hitting the floor/books/anything else in his way, “I have a question! MRS. ROBBINS! I HAVE TO ASK YOU SOMETHING!!!”

Sighing and shaking her head at their continued inability to follow procedures, Mrs. Robbins turned from passing out papers to stare down Toby and his two hangers-on, Bill and Hunter, who were following his lead with waving arms and blank faces. “Toby,” There it was, THE VOICE, the one that made her sound like her mother and scared the vast majority of her students. Somehow though, these three boys were oblivious to its power.

“So like, in this movie I was watching last night, hahaha, so they like used a piece of paper to make a throwing star and like, huhuhu, killed a bad guy with it,” Toby rushed to get all of his words in before Mrs. Robbins went ballistic. “Could that like, hahaha, could I like make one of those?”

“I suggest that you don’t try,” Mrs. Robbin’s had now switched tactics and her deadly calm and soft voice made even the two non-speaking buffoons back off and go to work on their papers.

“But like, I made one. See?” Toby held up a poorly folded paper star and proceeded to laughingly jab it at his own throat. “OUCH! Mrs. Robbins, I cut myself!”

“Its just a little paper cut,” Mrs. Robbins said stoically, “I told you to stop.”

“Yes ma’am,” Suitably sobered, Toby returned to his own work, rubbing sub consciously at his sore neck.

The next day, the red place on Toby’s neck had not gone away but instead was looking a mite bit angry. By week’s end, the paper cut had become infected and by the next Monday, Toby was admitted to the hospital. With proper care he was released by Wednesday, just in time for a pop quiz!

The moral of the story? Teacher probably does know best!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s